Eternally Insane
by CyanideDeductions
Summary: Alice is not normal, she has visions and a dark past. when she moves to Forks with her sister Bella things get confusing with Edward Cullen trying to befriend her even though he's a vampire. on Hiatus because of serious medical/personal problems.
1. Welcome To My Life

**This is just a prologue, showing Alice's life before she moved to Forks. The verses below are from Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan and it fits this chapter perfectly. The titles for the chapters will be the names of the songs put at the beginning of each chapter or the name of a song I was listening to during the chapter was being written. **

**Warning: this story deals with dark subjects with violence, severe abuse, sexual abuse, bad language and perhaps a sex scene. **

**I do not own the Twilight characters, S Meyer does. I wish I did. But I do own some OC's and some of the plot. This will have events from Twilight and some of the other books but it wont always follow the plot cannon of Twilight.**

**EdwardxAlice. BellaxEdward/? Jasperx? EmmettxRosalie CarlislexEsme. This is an EdxAli story though. If you don't like don't read. **

**On with the story!**

_Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
>Do you ever feel out of place?<br>Like somehow you just don't belong  
>And no one understands you<br>Do you ever wanna run away?  
>Do you lock yourself in your room?<br>With the radio on turned up so loud  
>That no one hears you screaming<em>

_No you don't know what it's like  
>When nothing feels all right<br>You don't know what it's like  
>To be like me<em>

_To be hurt  
>To feel lost<br>To be left out in the dark  
>To be kicked when you're down<br>To feel like you've been pushed around  
>To be on the edge of breaking down<br>And no one's there to save you  
>No you don't know what it's like<br>Welcome to my life  
><em> 

_**************_

_To be hurt  
>To feel lost<br>To be left out in the dark  
>To be kicked when you're down<br>To feel like you've been pushed around  
>To be on the edge of breaking down<br>And no one's there to save you  
>No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)<em>

A cold, gooey substance was poured over me. A slushy, strawberry flavour. It wasn't the first and it wasn't the last. Everyone just laughed.

I was glad it was the end of the day so I could get into my car and catch a ride home with Bella, my sister.

I went to my locker, people still snickering and tripping me up. I finally made it to my locker, I had just managed to get the Sharpie written words off of it and someone had made some more.

Psycho.

Nutjob.

Freak.

Ugly.

Demented.

Whore.

Cutter.

Bitch.

Worthless.

Damaged.

Broken.

Insane.

I stared at my locker, emotionless. I stopped feeling pain as I read the hurtful words written in different colours and writing styles, there was no point in crying over it. I breathed out shakily and opened my locker, pulling out my bag I used my sleeve to sweep the slushie from my hair onto the floor. A teacher was watching on in pity but not telling off the students for what they had done. Even they hated me.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked through the halls, leaving a trail of red slush behind me. I made it to the car park but saw my sisters car leaving with a bunch of her friends seated in it, all of them laughing and smiling.

I wish I had friends.

No one wanted to be my friend, they all knew that I had been put into a mental asylum and how I "claimed" to have visions. I really did and I wished someone would believe me. They didn't care, they enjoyed making my life more of a hell than it already was. They didn't care about the torture I went through, they just did it because it was something they had a power over. No one cared and no one ever would.

I was sure of it.

I sighed and hiked my bag higher up my shoulder and started walking through the parking lot, almost getting hit by a car or two, before I finally got off school grounds.

The school was a large white and dark blue building with five floors and an open roof, astro turf and a basket ball court as well as one for tennis and badminton. Large school grounds mostly with orange sand and the occasional expanse of grass. Tall metal-link fences surrounded the school with metal detectors at the gates.

I walked along the side of the road, kicking up red sand and I smiled just slightly but jumped when there was a loud honk followed by yells.

"Well if it isn't Little Loony" called one guy, I knew he was on the football team, the Hawks. He was big muscled and not very bright with a blonde always hanging off his arm. He hated me most and him and his friends usually beat me up. We had a hate hate relationship.

I didn't answer back, I never did. I had given up on speaking when no one believed me; what was the point in talking if no one ever listened? I don't think anyone had even noticed I didn't talk. It's not like anyone in school tried to make conversation and my family tried to avoid me at all costs.

I put my head down and continued to walk, they sped on not paying me any more attention. It was if the world had tipped off it's axes for just a second for someone to so much as look at me. And then it tipped back.

I glared down at my feet hatefully. Why had I been so stupid as to mention my visions? Would they like me better if they didn't know? Would they like me more if I changed my clothes and haircut? Would they like me more if I wasn't marked in such an ugly way? If I didn't scream in my sleep or cry at night? Would they like me better if they had never met me and I was just a passing person in a conversation?

Would they like me better if I was dead?

Sometimes I think they would. I wouldn't be there to annoy them, I wouldn't be there to mess up. I wouldn't be there to be a freak, a joke to them all. Sometimes I think things would be better if I were to just drop dead. It sounded like a relief.

To be rid of the pain and fear, to be rid of it all. To end it all, I wanted it to end. I always felt so lost, just wandering through like I did the halls in school during lunch, I was a wreck. OCD, Attachment Issues and Anxiety problems. I had a strong phobia of medicine, doctors and hospitals, also men and vampires. The Doctors Mom had sent me to had told her I may act like a child sometimes. I had an obsession with shopping.

I know vampires exist as _he _was one. I had the bite marks to prove it.

I walked home and unlocked the door, I walked in and the first thing I heard was Bella laughing in the living room with her friends. I put down my backpack and headed up the stairs. I went into the first door on my left; my room.

It had turquoise walls with a white border, dark purple carpeting. My laptop was on the desk in the corner beside my single bed with purple and blue sheets, pillows and comforter. The window to the left opposite the bed had bright light streaming through the half open pink and white curtains. There was also a large wardrobe at the back of the room across from the door filled with clothes. The walls were covered in sketches, poems and pictures.

I drew every vision I had, I spent hours drawing every little detail. Other sketches were of anything that caught my eye, I drew images on how I was feeling. I had drawn a picture of the wooden mannequins people use to learn to draw people with and made it so it was hanging itself, the shading and shadow on the wall behind it made it look more real. That was my favourite.

My other favourite was of a tree, it was easy to see it was a tree but it was made of different things. A fork was the trunk and the leaves were drawn in as spiral springs, the apples I had made as eyes. It was made of lots of different things and it had taken me all day to draw, the tree represented a normal person and how we were all made of different things. I liked it a lot.

I changed into some skinny jeans, black and pink socks and a black hoodie before I went down the stairs, humming to myself. As I was passing Bella and her friends -Carrie, Laura and Maria- one of their feet stuck out purposefully and tripped me up so fell flat on my face right as my mother walked in.

"Mary get up off the floor now," she said as she gave me a disapproving look.

She always looked at me like I was some disappointment. I was never good enough, never did anything perfectly like Bella. I was never, ever going to be good enough for her, I wasn't going to be perfect. How could I be?

I wanted to be good enough, to be perfect. Maybe then people would like me, if I was normal and wasn't thought to be crazy. Then perhaps Renee wouldn't be so disappointed and ashamed of me.

I picked myself up and walked past Renee, I went into the kitchen and got myself a drink.

My name is Mary-Alice Brandon Swan. Welcome to my life.


	2. Run Kid Run

**I don't own anything but some OC's and a bit of the plot, S Meyer owns the rest. **

**Warning: sexual and phsyical abuse is mentioned and may be shown in this story in a flashback or dream, bad language and a supposed mental illness are in this story as well as a lemon or two later on. Read at your own caution. **

**Lot's of angst.**

**EdwardxAlice. **

**Song is We've Only Just Begun by Run Kid Run. **

_Let's just get it started tonight  
>All you've ever wanted its in your eyes<br>Just let it take you where you want to go  
>Just let it tell you what you want to know<em>

You've got your destination  
>Progress has now been made and you<br>Will see the way you've wanted it to be

My mother opened the door and froze. I was sitting in front of a mirror, black lip liner in my hands as I drew over my lips. It looked like they were sewn shut, tethered together till I couldn't talk. It was just a symbol of my silence, no one cared that I never spoke anyway. I think they were glad.

"Mary wash that off now!" she said angrily and I went stiff, I nodded and started to rub at my lips. She left a moment later and I continued to rub my lip with my sleeve, the material scraping across the skin roughly caused it to crack and start bleeding but I didn't stop. I wanted to rub my whole mouth off.

So I could never speak again. Maybe she would like me better, maybe they all would. If I could never make a sound, if I couldn't scream and wake everyone up at night. I wished I could never make a sound, perhaps then it would be impossible to sob and cry out. To verbally show my pain.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I was hideous, I had dark circles under my eyes with bruises going down the left side from a fight in school, my jet black hair was cut to go out in every direction. My skin was deathly pale, it made me look more ill than I already did. My chin was red from the blood that had been smeared there and my lips were bright red and raw.

I wiped away the blood and pulled my bottom lip into my mouth and sucked on it, I hated myself so much. I hated who I was, I hated the way I looked and the way my life was. I hated my bright blue eyes that were hollow, I hated my sickly pale skin and jet black hair, I hated how short I was at just five feet. I hated everything to do with me.

I was ugly and worthless, no one would ever _not _hate me.

"Mary!" called Renee, I let a small sigh escape my lips and stood up. I licked the blood from both lips before I turned to the door.

I was in a pair of thick purple tights that hid the bruises and scars and denim shorts with a long sleeved Apple Bottom black t-shirt with a silver pattern coming from an apple on the bottom left corner.

I quickly left, not wanting to make her angry. Renee had on occasion hit me and I didn't want that to happen again. I rushed down the stairs and saw Bella eating a bowl of cereal, I sometimes skipped meals so I didn't bother eating when I had woken up at four am.

I turned to Renee who was putting a phone down, she sighed. "Mary" I wanted to tell her that I liked Alice, _he _had called me Mary and I hated it. "I just cant deal with this any more," I gave her a confused look. "The school just called and said that you had picked a fight with another student and had ignored the teacher." she said almost angrily.

What? I had not picked any fights with anyone, they had all picked them with me knowing I couldn't fight back. And I hadn't ignored him, I had not answered. I had promised I wouldn't speak another word -_he _had told me that he liked my voice- and I intended to keep that promise. I was also terrified of what would happen, I knew it sounded stupid but I didn't want to know what would happen when I heard my voice, would I heard the screams and begs I had made? Would it do nothing? Would I even be able to speak any more?

I was pulled back into the present by Renee. "And all your "episodes" and nightmares are getting stressful. I had hoped that you would get better but your not and I just cant deal with it any more Alice. That's why I've arranged for you to-"

Please don't tell me I'm going back to _that _place, she couldn't. I wouldn't let her, no I wasn't going back there. I was about to start begging with her when I heard the next words out of her mouth.

"Stay with your father, Charlie, in Forks." I breathed a sigh of relief and I saw Bella smile, obviously happy to be getting rid of me. "Bella is going with you," she added.

"Mom!" she exclaimed, outraged by the thought of going to Forks with me, I knew she would hate it. "You cant be serious, I'm not going to live with Charlie with _that_" I flinched at the venom in her voice.

"Yes you are, Bella you need to spend some time with him and Phil and I are going to be on the move constantly." explained Renee and Bella glared, I wondered if she would throw her spoon at Renee...

"Fine but she better keep out of my way," Bella spat at me at the end, I nodded looking down. I was used to this but it still hurt.

"Your plane leaves in two days. Get packing," she sounded relieved and I slipped off the chair silently.

When I got to my bedroom I got a suitcase from under my bed and opened up my wardrobe. I was both happy and scared.

Happy because perhaps Forks would be better than here, I knew it rained a lot and I liked the rain. It was refreshing to me and could calm me every time. Maybe Charlie would be a bit better than Renee and the kids at school wouldn't hate me so much.

But I was also scared. I didn't like change, it may sound really stupid to say I was scared of leaving the bullying at school and sunny Arizona along with my unloving mother but I was. How messed up was that? I didn't want to leave the life I had thought of as Hell. How could I not be happy about being away from this?

I spent the day packing, I knew Forks was a rainy place and cold too so I packed my warmest clothes. I didn't have much of normal clothes for the weather of Phoenix. When I was done with that I listened to some music, I liked a lot of types of music.

Suddenly I was hit with a vision. Everything faded out till all I could see was one table in a crowded, loud cafeteria. Four teenagers sat at the table.

One was a leggy blonde fit for a page in an airbrushed swim suit magazine like Vogue. She had pale, perfect skin with bright golden eyes and a bored look on her face, her lips moving just slightly as if she were talking under her breathe.

Next to her was a large man with big bands of muscles, he had a big grin on his face as he talked to someone. His eyes were a bright golden too with dimples in his cheeks, pearly white teeth shone in the light above. He had dark short hair.

Across from him was a blonde man, he was pale and perfect too. A lean build with honey gold tresses to his chin, and thin lips. He was tense, his eyes were just a shade darker than the rest. His fingers were picking apart a beagle. All of their food was uneaten.

Next to the blonde was a God. He too was lean but still had muscles. He had a strong jaw with thin red lips and perfect pale skin, dark circles were under his eyes that were the brightest golden. They showed shock, horror and happiness. What an odd mixture of emotions. He had bronze hair, different shades in the untidy mess, it looked like it was styled to be that way; it suited him. His tongue ran along his lips in an almost hungry way.

It was like he was staring right at me in the vision, directly at me and I wondered if he would be when the vision came true.

I was suddenly dragged from the vision with a gasp. I searched for my messenger bag with pencils and my drawing book. It was actually like a diary with no lines in it. I undid the small lock on it and flipped to the nearest clean page before I started drawing.

I missed lunch as I drew them all in perfect detail, I didn't want to miss a single aspect of them. I added the smallest detail on them like a button, they were all such Godly creatures. Inhuman and dangerous.

I was terrified of them because I knew that they were vampires, pain bringing, soulless monsters that have ruined my life. I was scared to death of them because I knew what they were, what they were capable of, I knew how much pain their kind had brought me.

Such inhuman beauty and the enchantment they carried with them was all a show, underneath they were the monsters lurking in your closet or under your bed. They were the shadows you saw seeping from under the door.

It was to lure in their kill, put on a façade of security before killing you. How could I have been so stupid as to trust _him_? I hated vampires but I was scared of them too, maybe that was why I hated them. They made me feel weak, helpless, I had never wanted to be like that.

By the time our plane had landed I felt sick. I didn't like crowded places or wide open places, airports were both of those things. I just panicked and usually had a panic attack. That was why I had calming music blasting through my headphones, blocking out the loud chatter of people around me.

It was a miracle I hadn't screamed when sleeping on the plane, I had fallen asleep out of boredom and lack of sleep the past few days.

Bella had asked me about my drawing -boredly I might add- when she saw the one I had drawn of the vampires. She had asked if they were from my vision, when my reply was affirmative (a nod) she said that maybe I would realize my visions weren't real when they weren't there.

It would be Bella realizing my visions were real, not me seeing my visions were not. They were right, always.

Never had a vision been wrong, sometimes I wished they had been so I could have the doubt that I was imagining them and fall into that hole, to forget everything in it. Maybe then things would be better if I at least pretended I thought I was insane as well.

How could I though? They were a part of me, as much as my mind had control over my body. With out them I was lost, I couldn't see a life without them so how could I pretend they were not real? When I knew that deep tingling in my bones I got when having a vision was real.

It was torture.

Sometimes I told myself they were not real, that I was just imagining them. I never truly believed it but sometimes I could fool myself into thinking that they were just weird dreams, that was usually until I had another and I was reminded they _were _real.

Our reunion with Charlie was awkward to say the least; Bella had muttered a Hello to him and all but threw herself into the cruiser in anger and I refused to hug him. Contact (mostly with men) was not welcome.

I got into the passenger seat and heard Charlie close the trunk closed after putting our luggage in, he got into the drivers seat and made us put on our seatbelts. Truth be told I would be happy if we got in a crash and died.

I reached into my jeans pocket and pulled out my IPOD Nano, Phil had gotten me it. It was electric blue with a hot pink screen frame. I stuck it to the collar of my hoodie and put in my headphones, Shattered by Trading Yesterday came on.

It was such a sad song, like a tragedy put into music notes and yet there's this unbelievably soppy undertone. I couldn't bring myself to believe the words I was hearing, what they were singing about was not true. I didn't have any hope, how could I?

I spent the ride in silence, watching the scenery go by blankly as I put Shattered on replay- trying to figure out the meaning of the song. It confused me to no end.

I had had to be shaken by Bella to finally pull myself from the car, I couldn't find it in me to smile as the rain washed down on me.

It was refreshing, cold and wet, nothing like the dry and hot Phoenix. It didn't remind me of _him _or of Renee or my old school or old house. It marked home, this was my home now. The land of the rain, how bad could it be?

If it was already raining there couldn't be such terrible things that could happen.

Right?

Of course in thinking that I have probably just jinxed myself and Forks will go to hell with me right at the centre of it. It had always been like that.

Wherever I went I dragged people down with me, cursed by the power to shred anyone's life. How could Charlie even agree to letting me stay here?

I walked to the back of the car as Bella stood under the porch roof by the front door. I helped Charlie get out the bags and we both heard Charlie start to speak, I didn't really head much of it but I knew he was telling us we had to share a bedroom.

By the look on Bella's face I was not sleeping in a bed while I was here.

When I passed her with her suitcase she hissed. "Your sleeping on the couch, got it?" I simply nodded and dragged her bag upstairs.

After heaving it up the stairs while wondering how much she had managed to shove into her suitcase as I breathed heavily. Perhaps it was just me but it weighed a thousand tons, I pulled it to the last bedroom on the left side of the hall, I pushed open the door with my back and dragged her luggage in.

I pulled out the headphones in my ears and looked around at what I wouldn't be sleeping in. The walls were a plain fading white with a purple border, purple and white curtains blew silently from the wind blowing in from the window. Two single beds were on either side of the room, one with dark blue bedding the other with lavender and white. The carpet was thick and warm, it was a rich violet colour.

Perhaps with a bit of paint it would look even better.

It was homey, it had character, spoke volumes. I liked it. Pity I wasn't sleeping here.

I was broken from my thought by my name being called. Mary.

I put my sisters belongings by the purple and white bed before jogging out of the room down the stairs. Charlie was talking to Bella and he politely asked me to take my stuff upstairs while he sorted something out with Bella.

I grabbed my suitcase and dragged them up the stairs, mine was lighter than Bellas' but I was still tired from pulling it to her bedroom. I put my suitcase by the blue bed just as Bella entered, I heard her voice ring out demandingly.

"So now your getting ungrateful?" she snapped at me. I looked at her confused, what had I done now? "After everything we did for you, we tried to make you better, we gave you a house to live in and let you come here and yet you cant even do something as simple as unpack my stuff?" where had her logic come from?

They had sent me to hell, not to make me better but to get rid of me. They had _had _to take me in, the law said they had to when I was found, and they ordered me to come here. How was any of that nice? I was confused and a little angry but I surpressed a sigh and walked to Bella's bed, I opened up her suitcase as Bella lounged on the purple and white bed.

My new life in Forks was not going well.

**Please review? i only got two for the last chapter, can i have some more? Also tell people on here about this story? please! tell me what you want to happen and i'll see what i can do. **

**Cheetah shifters will be in this story. sorry for anyone who doesn't like that but they wont be a big part, it's just to set up the plot.**


	3. Fallen Angels

**I don't own anything but some OC's and a bit of the plot, S Meyer owns the rest. **

**Warning: sexual and physical abuse is mentioned and may be shown in this story in a flashback or dream, bad language and a supposed mental illness are in this story as well as a lemon or two later on. Read at your own caution. **

**Lot's of angst.**

**EdwardxAlice. **

**There will be shifters in this story, though not the wolves so go away if you don't like it. **

**Black Veil Brides- Fallen Angels.**

_We're bored to death in heaven  
>And all alone in hell<br>We only want to be ourselves_

_We Scream, We Shout  
>We are the Fallen Angels<br>We Scream, We Shout  
>Woah oh, Woah oh oh oh...<em>

_To those who sing alone  
>No need to feel the sorrow<br>We Scream, We Shout, Woah oh..  
>We are the Fallen Angels<em>

_Follow the mourning star  
>A light when darkness fell<br>The passion left unholy  
>Now you find yourself<em>

_We have no where to go  
>No one to wish us well<br>A cry to find our home  
>Our stories they will tell<em> 

Alice POV

I was jerked awake by the sound of loud thunder. I became disoriented as I realized I was not on a bed until I saw I was on the Couch in the living room. Bella had kicked me out of our room.

I kicked the patchwork quilt off of my body and stood up, wincing at the pain in my left leg from where Bella had kicked last night. When I said she had kicked me out of the room I meant that in the literal sense.

I walked to the yellow curtains covering the window that looked out over the from of the house and found pouring rain and rolling clouds. I smiled faintly, wondering when the last time I had smiled was. A few months? Probably. Maybe even years.

I watched the rain bucket down harder than Niagara Falls as the sky was lit up in a flash by powerful lightening. I could just see a metre in front of the window as puddles merged together. Thunder rolled through my ears again. I closed the curtains.

I picked up the throw pillow and quilt I had used and put them in the coat closet, I went into Bella's bedroom silently. Hopefully she wouldn't wake. I opened up my suitcase and pulled out a pair of skinny jeans, high top converse, a red and blue top and a navy blue hoodie.

I crept out of the room, seeing it was barely six o'clock. Going into the bathroom I turned on the shower after locking the door with chipped paint. After stripping off my clothes I stepped into the scalding hot shower.

Sighing as the tension was slowly burned from my body, sleeping on an old couch was not comfortable. It was even worse when I kept on moving as my nightmares plagued me.

I hummed quietly, it was barely audible to me with the sound of the water hitting the metal under my feet of the shower floor. After washing off my body and wishing the hot water would just wash off my scars and washing my hair I stepped out.

After drying off I got dressed, I had spent twenty minutes in the shower. I had at least an hour and a half left. Maybe even two hours.

What to do 'till then?

Well I could have breakfast, no, I'm not hungry. Watch Tv, good enough. I headed down the stairs and fished the remote from between the seats in the sofa and turned it on. It was on the News. CNN to be precise.

Fire somewhere in Seattle.

Car pile-up on some road headed from D.C.

Riots in London.

So basically it was a normal day.

Well unless you count moving god knows how many miles to some small town normal.

I sighed and turned off the TV. What else could I do?

Thinking it over as I walked into the kitchen, I decided to know my way around the house. Bella had had the chance to come here on holidays, she knew this place like she knew our house back in Phoenix.

I, however, do not. Not having a childhood took the liberty of finding out what Charlies' house and Forks look like. I had missed out on a lot and I had come to terms with it. Sort of.

The kitchen was simple and yet homey like Bella's room. Yellow walls with a round wooden table by the windows, sinks with a window above it, oven, fridge/freezer, washing machine. Normal. The cupboards were painted in a fading yellow with a scratched linoleum.

I searched through every cupboard, making note of where everything was. I pulled open every draw; cutlery, old bills letters, blank bullets, scissors, pencils ect. Just random junk. It seemed to add to the character, it gave me an idea of what type of person I was staying with.

I got a drink of water before deciding I was hungry enough to eat. I heard the shower turn on, it was Charlie. I made two servings of beacon, toast and eggs, I ate mine in record time and left Charlies with another plate over it to keep it hot.

After that it was ten to seven, I headed up the stairs just as the shower turned off. My fingers trailed along the peeling flower print wallpaper up the stairs. My eyes flickered to the borders which had been painted white. The stairs had a dark brown carpet, it felt good under my toes.

I spent the rest of my time exploring the house in silence. For once feeling calm. No one had something to whine about, no one said anything degrading about me, I just got to be by myself. Even in Phoenix I had never really been alone.

In the mornings I would be running about the house either trying to hide from my sister or doing the housework because Bella or Renee told me to. At school I was constantly tormented,not just by their words but just them. I didn't like crowds, loud noises or anything like that. It reminded me of the screaming.

So much screaming.

It was different. To be left with my thoughts, just me. No one else. Bella was in her bedroom getting ready for School. For once there was no loud music blasting from her bedroom, she knew how much I hated loud noises. It was the only reason she played screamo. She knew my aversion to screaming. It was cruel.

I could hear my slow, even breathing and sometimes I swore I heard my heartbeat as I slipped into a deeper state of calm. It was almost like a catatonic state as I wandered around the small house, not really seeing anything after the fourth time.

It was pleasant. To be lost in nothing, so different. It surprised me how much I welcomed the change, from madness to tranquillity. Pure silence, it was a breath of fresh air.

Unfortunately it all became shattered as I was pulled back into the world of the living. Such a pity. I had actually been enjoying part of my life.

"Mary! I said we are going to be late for school." yelled Bella angrily from the front door.

As if on instinct I was on my feet and was running to the door, images of what _he _had done to me when he was angry. I grabbed a black coat, it went to my thighs. Doing up the buttons I met Bella at the door, she didn't even look at me as she pulled up her coat hood and trudged to the cab door.

"You are not sitting in here with me." she added as I started walking towards the Chevy, I nodded.

I stepped out, the rain had lessened and the thunder and lightening had stopped. It was just a drizzle now. I walked to the back of the Chevy and threw my school bag in, a black and red messenger bag with Alice In Wonderland written on the front. I pulled open the door, water that had collected in the back poured onto the floor by my feet.

I watched as it drained away into the mud before standing on the back tire and hauling my light body into the pick-up. I pulled back up the door and locked it shut before moving to the back and leaning against the rust metal of the cab.

It started vibrating unpleasantly as Bella started it up, I sighed and hugged my bag to my chest. I looked to my left as we pulled out of Charlies' driveway. The first thing I saw was trees. At first it was _just _tress; boring, green, tall trees.

And then I really looked at them.

Different shades of green, melding together to a perfect tapestry of colours. Different size leaves, some shaped almost like stars. Some trees were thin and tall others thick. I could see thick roots weaving between, disappearing under the damp earth. Creeping towards the paved road as though reaching out for any passers.

They loomed over threateningly, I had to put my hand on my forehead to stop the rain from hitting my eyes as I looked right up. Seeing where they disappeared, clashing with the grey and white sky. Puffy clouds made up sky. Bland.

I looked to my right this time. A few shops; a hardware store, supermarket, diner ect. Trees were cut back to make room for them. I could faintly see mist floating over the ground where the forest started, I looked to my left and realized I had not seen the mist on that side.

It looked like it belonged in a horror movie- mist creeping up on the protagonist, alerting the viewers of the impending drama and gore that was about to surround them. My paranoid side cam out then as I forced myself to check Bella's future; no blood and guts. She was safe.

I started to hear the chatter of kids, I had sensitive hearing. During my time with _Him _my senses had improved, I had spent a lot of time in darkness and so had had to rely on my other senses. It helped with surprises, but I also had visions so I was almost never surprised.

I took a deep breath as Bella pulled into the school parking lot, I couldn't be seen from where I was and for that I was thankful, I could only have nightmares about how many stares we were getting. For now a least.

I all but threw myself from the back of the Chevy, almost falling flat on my face in a puddle. I heard my sister snicker, that was until she stepped right in a large puddle, her trainers becoming wet.

She jumped out of it and glared at as though it was my fault, I was sure it was. She hissed, "If your such a fortune teller why didn't you warn me about that?" she asked me coldly, I frowned.

Pulling my bag from the Chevy bed I slung it over my shoulder, another sigh leaving my lips as I walked around the truck. Time for school.


	4. Space Dementia

**I don't own anything but some OC's and a bit of the plot, S Meyer owns the rest. **

**Warning: sexual and physical abuse is mentioned and may be shown in this story in a flashback or dream, bad language and a supposed mental illness are in this story as well as a lemon or two later on. Read at your own caution. **

**Lot's of angst.**

**EdwardxAlice. **

**There will be shifters in this story, though not the wolves so go away if you don't like it. **

_**Space Dementia by Muse. (the song is basically about an obsession some fictional astronauts get on any particular thing when in space too long)**_

_H8 - is the one for me  
>it gives me all I need<br>and helps me co-exist  
>with the chill<em>

ooooohaa

You make me sick  
>Because I adore you so<br>I love all the dirty tricks  
>And twisted games you play<br>on me

oooooooh

Space dementia in your eyes and  
>Peace will arise<br>And tear us apart  
>And make us meaningless again<p>

mmmm yeah

You'll make us wanna die  
>I'd cut your name in my heart<br>We'll destroy this world for you  
>I know you want me to<br>Feel your pain

3rd Person POV

Perhaps it was just Alice but the closer she got to the Front Office the more stares they seemed to get. The more crowded the place appeared to be. Her heart was thundering so loud she was sure Bella could hear it and despite the fact that it was ice cold in Forks, at that very moment she felt as though she was on fire.

Her head low made her even more of a curiosity it seemed, as whispers became louder.

"Are those the Swan girls?"

"Wonder which ones Isabella and which once is Alice."

"The shorter ones hot"

"No way! The brunettes hotter"

"She looks like a child!"

"Cute blush"

Over and over. The same subject. Them.

Alice's grip on her bag strap tightened as they were engulfed in warmth. She finally looked up, it was a little more quiet here she noticed.

The walls were a dull yellow, a thin blue carpet covered he floor. Orange plastic chairs lined one wall while a large mahogany desk occupied the other. Various certificates and notices were on the walls and covering the desk that seemed to be overflowing with paperwork.

A lady that looked to be in her forties with laugh lines on her face and crinkles around her green eyes. She had on rectangular glasses with full lips, a purple top with a name tag that read Ms Cope covered her torso.

She also had bright red hair that was in a tight bun atop her head.

Alice's eyes widened. _He _had had a friend who she refereed to as _Her _who had red hair, maybe a shade lighter. All she could think about was _Her_. It started to make her head hurt, it always did when she thought about the stars of her nightmares, people -no, monsters- that she hoped to bury in the deepest, darkest pits of hell everyday. Never to return.

Oh how she wished they would just disappear from her life. Even now, when they were probably a thousand miles from her, she couldn't help but be haunted. Constantly looking over her shoulder, getting the feeling that they were watching, just waiting for the right moment to snatch her back to the darkness.

"Were Bella Swan and Alice," Bella introduced in boredom to Ms Cope.

Alice came to stand behind her in her usual silence, she watched the elderly ladies hands sift through the pile of papers until she pulled out some and showed them to Bella.

"This is your schedule, a map with routes marked out and a slip you have to get all your teachers to sign..." the younger Swan didn't listen to the rest, focusing on nothing in particular. That was until she heard a sigh behind her.

She turned her head just a fraction, curiosity getting the better of her. It always did, her curiosity was stronger than a mules stubborn nature. It usually landed her with more pain.

The breath leaved the little clairvoyant. Right behind her, almost touching distance was her worst nightmare. A vampire. And he looked angry.

Emmett Cullen was pissed.

He had teased his brother, Edward, _again_,andsaid brother had fought back by tearing up every piece of homework in his backpack along with his schedule. Emmett had done it right back but upon Esmes' -his mother- orders he had to tell Ms Cope about the incident not Edward. He blamed it on the fact that Edward was a Mamma's boy.

The eldest vampire had a big build, bulging muscles on his torso that scared anyone in their right minds. Perfectly smooth pale skin with a near always present grin on his face, bright golden eyes from his diet. Emmett was the one to create the term 'Vegetarian' in the way that the Cullens' used it, this was expected as he had a very bubbly attitude. His life purpose was to please his wife and make people happy.

He really was a big teddy bear. He would never admit to that though.

Alice stared at him, her mouth hung open in complete shock, perhaps a bit of fear too. She jerked back around, trying to steady her harsh breathing.

Her worst nightmare was standing less than a foot away from her, almost touching distance. Why was it such a shock that there was a vampire behind her? She did have visions after all, she knew that vampires were here, in the school, in the town. Why had it just suddenly hit her across the back of the head then?

The younger Swan girl watched her sister stumble away, bag on her shoulder and timetable in her hands with a map. She stepped forwards and Ms Cope didn't even ask her for her name, it was obvious who she was.

"This is your schedule..." Alice listened to her, already knowing what she was going to say and shoved the papers in her bag when she was done. The raven haired girl had ten minutes until her first class. She kept the slip inside her left hand and pulled out the map from her bag, the clairvoyant started walking in a random direction at first.

She found herself in the school parking lot, the rain had stopped but it was still cold. Alice liked it. She stood by the Schools front doors and watched one particular group of beings.

The Vampire coven.

Studying them from a vision still didn't prepare her for being on the other side of the parking lot from them. It was fuckin' terrifying. Her eyes were drawn to the blonde boy first.

A strong jaw with full red lips. She could see pearly white teeth as he talked. He had a slim but still muscular build, tall at about six feet. He was in denim jeans with a black sweater over a white shirt, the collar over the sweater. He had honey coloured soft curls, they reached his chin. He was laughing at something.

The next person Alice saw was who the blonde boy was laughing at, why he was laughing at her she could only guess. She was beautiful, the word beautiful didn't cut it. She was completely stunning, a perfect portrait of an enchanting beauty.

She had mile long legs that were clad with tight fitting grey jeans and high heels, why a high school student would be wearing those Alice would never know. She had curved hips that the Swan girl wanted. Creamy pale skin with thin lips with blood red lipstick on. Darkened golden eyes were framed by long lashes. Blonde hair that fell like a waterfall to her hips that made her beauty even more apparent.

Alice wanted to be just like her- perfect. Jet black hair cut short that had not been by her will, sickly pale skin and dull blue eyes? She would trade them in any time for the Blondes features. She wanted to be tall, curves in all the right places. She wanted long hair and natural looking white skin, not a tone that screamed 'I'm ugly'.

Undeserved jealousy flared up in her, like a shock to her system. It wasn't often the raven haired girl felt anything other than mind, body and soul numbing pain. She was sometimes surprised at the fact that she had more brain function than a vegetable when she really thought about how lifeless she felt and looked.

Of course, Alice shouldn't be feeling jealousy. No. She would ruin a physique like the blondes, she was sure she would find a way to make it look hideous. It was wrong to be jealous of something she didn't deserve, something she could never have.

Then her eyes left the blonde, needing to look away from something she could never possess- beauty. She studied the tallest boy, maybe man was a better word. He was still a vampire though.

Unruly hair was on the top of his head, a bronze that differed in shades in different locks. Dark eyebrows were above near black eyes which were framed by long lashes. Alice was sure his skin was whiter than the white headphones in his ears, he was listening to music from his Blackberry phone. Deep violet with just a sprinkling of red was the colour of his thin lips. He had a strong chiselled jaw with high cheekbones.

Moving on from his face her eyes followed a slender neck that expanded out to broad shoulders. She could just see where his collarbone almost met from the midnight blue t-shirt he was wearing under his grey pea coat.

He had a lean but still masculine build, he was tall at six feet two. Her eyes followed his long, thin fingers move across his Blackberry before pocketing the device. He had on dark was jeans with black leather shoes with a buckle around the ankle.

The reason she was paying so much attention to every little detailed of the bronze haired one was because he had been filling her mind ever since she had had that vision. He wouldn't leave her mind.

It was driving her even more mad, why did she constantly think of him? She somehow felt like he was important. How? She had no clue and didn't want to find out. _He _had felt important and look where that had gotten her.

She had to leave this alone. Now. But it was so painful to do so. Why couldn't she let this stranger go? This monster?

It was like she had Space Dementia when it came to this vampire. An unhealthy obsession that was just starting to fester in her, tearing her fragile emotional state to shreds. This obsessive thinking of him and just staring at him was not good.

He was her worst nightmare. Something that hid in her closet, waiting until her was guard down...

And then striking.

Vampires were soulless monsters, they only wanted to hurt. Her in particular it seemed.

Alice refrained from looking at him one more time and jogged back into the school, her bag clutched tightly in her hand.

**Next chapter, she meets the Cullens in a weird way...**

**Review!**


	5. Demolition Lovers

**I cant describe how SORRY i am for leaving you all so long! i promise it will never happen again. i just had a scare with some mental problems involving a razor blade and a lot of depression but thanks to AdrenalineMotivation on i have picked myself back up. thank you so so much Jakeykins, this chapter and whole story is dedicated to you because Edward is going to help Alice much like Jake did me. xx luv ya Jakeykins.**

**I don't own anything but some OC's and a bit of the plot, S Meyer owns the rest. **

**Warning: sexual and physical abuse is mentioned and may be shown in this story in a flashback or dream, bad language and a supposed mental illness are in this story as well as a lemon or two later on. Read at your own caution. **

**Lot's of angst.**

**EdwardxAlice. **

**There will be shifters in this story, though not the wolves so go away if you don't like it. **

**Demolition Lovers- My Chemical Romance. I chose this song because it describes Edward's feelings perfectly, he'd die with Alice. **

**Hand in mine, into your icy blues  
>And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway<br>With this trunk of ammunition too  
>I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets<strong>

**I'm trying, I'm trying  
>To let you know just how much you mean to me<br>And after all the things we put each other through and**

**I would drive on to the end with you  
>A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full<br>And I feel like there's nothing left to do  
>But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running<strong>

**But this time, I mean it  
>I'll let you know just how much you mean to me<br>As snow falls on desert sky  
>Until the end of everything<br>I'm trying, I'm trying  
>To let you know how much you mean<br>As days fade, and nights grow  
>And we go cold<strong>

**Until the end, until this pool of blood  
>Until this, I mean this, I mean this<br>Until the end of...**

**I'm trying, I'm trying  
>To let you know how much you mean<br>As days fade, and nights grow  
>And we go cold<strong>

**But this time, we'll show them  
>We'll show them all how much we mean<br>As snow falls on desert sky  
>Until the end of every...<strong>

**All we are, all we are  
>Is bullets I mean this<br>_[x4]_**

**As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms  
>Forever, forever<br>Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning  
>Forever, and ever<br>Know how much I want to show you you're the only one  
>Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun<strong>

**And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood  
>And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down<br>And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down  
>I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood<br>I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever **

By the time it was Lunch Alice was ready to both scream and cry. She just wished people wouldn't ask her questions she couldn't ask, it just made her even more of a freak as impossible as that sounds. Over and over the same damn questions.

What's Phoenix like?

Want to sit with me?

Why don't you talk?

Blah blah blah, it just melded into one big line of babble that sounded like Japanese. She felt a forboding sense come onto her as she followed Bella to the cafeteria. The vampires would be there, she realized with a painful jolt. She felt sick.

Alice watched her sister talk to a bubbly girl who was joined by a blonde boy with baby blue eyes which flickered to her for a second before back to Bella. She only got a water and looked around finally. Hoping with everything in her that they were not there yet.

Her prayers were answered as she saw the room was void of monsters, just chattering teenagers that made her head spin, the loud laughter and talking of the kids in the room could be compared to screaming Alice thought wryly. Having heard real screaming, for hours, even days on end made her sensitive to loud noises, it usually triggered one memory or another which is why she shoved her hand inside her bag and fished out her IPOD, her little piece of heaven.

It wasn't often that she got peace, her definition was a song of choice with lots of bass and meaningful lyrics paired with skilful guitar notes. She turned on her Anthrax playlist and let her eyes scan the room again, this time looking for a seat.

There were two tables at the far end, she tilted her head and realized that the vampires would sit there. But at which table?

Why did life have to be so complicated? Why couldn't one thing work out for her? She made a quick decision that she didn't think about and went to sit on the left table. With her luck she would piss of some vampires.

The blue eyed girl twisted off the cap of her water bottle and took a large gulp, it felt good on her dry throat but she wanted to throw it back up as she was hit with a vision.

There was Alice, standing under her house porch, it was night time, the stars were out and it was a full moon. Alice studied her dress as it seemed to be the only part not fuzzy.

It was black and red themed. Strapless with black netting spilling from her chest area from the dress. There was a red sash with a splitting up her left thigh that let her see the red velvet underlay that was a little longer than the black material at the bottom. It was a rather gothic choice of dress and a little more revealing than she would have liked.

In her hands was a bouquet of fake flowers, black and red roses were wrapped in red velvet with a bow at the side. It seemed to complete the look, almost. It was her make-up that really completed her outfit.

Extra pale skin that was flawlessly made, nearly completely white lips with just a peeking of red. In her hair was a red Alice band that contrasted with the jet black of her hair. Thick eye liner than looked intentionally smudged was on her eyes with a pale red over her eyelids and up to her eyebrows, some of it on her bottom lid too.

It gave the perfect image of a beautiful corpse.

Standing centimetres from Alice in the vision was her worst nightmare. A Vampire. And not just any vampire, the bronze haired one, his eyes still golden were overflowing with an unknown emotion. She had never seen it before. He was in an all black suit, expensive material made up his outfit with pricey leather boots just above his ankles.

She watched in horror as he leaned down and captured her lips with his. His body pressed up against her as his arms wrapped around her waist, it made her sick.

She was violently pulled back to the land of here and now and felt sick to her stomach. She dropped her bottle of water with a jerky motion as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. A painful prickling sensation erupted over her skin, such a familiar feeling that tears stung her eyes.

Her stomach churned and her head felt like it was on fire. Her heart was thumping erratically in her chest so hard she could feel it hit her ribcage. Her whole body screamed for her to run as fast as humanly possible, preferably in the exact opposite direction of the vampires.

Alice forced herself to swallow back the bile that rose in her throat and look up just a fraction, enough to see them. Her hands held the rim of the white table in front of her, she found a sick happiness in the fact that she had chosen the correct table.

She studied them in a terrified way, often looking back at her hands. They were a lot more inhuman up close.

Unnaturally still for the most part. All of their skin seemed to glow under the bright cafeteria lights. Their eyes were bright golden, flecks of black and a dark honey were sprinkled into them, she followed each of their gazes but the bronze haired ones eyes were glued to someone unblinkingly.

She followed it to the other side of the cafeteria, staring directly at the table where her sister was at. Alice looked back to him, his eyes hadn't moved and she doubted he had blinked, she was sure he was staring at Bella.

His face showed a large amount of shock before turning to disbelief. Alice studied the rest of the vampires.

The statuesque blonde was staring to the left, her face showing boredom and disinterest that she wasn't afraid to hide. She flipped her corn silk hair over her shoulder and turned to the big vampire.

He was listening to the blonde talk in a tone too low for Alice to hear, his arms were folded on the table before his untouched tray of food. He was unbelievably muscled, and tall at over six feet, he would tower over Alice.

It was safe to say Alice was terrified of him. She quickly shifter her blue eyes from him to the blonde male sitting next to him. He was watching the bronze haired one, staring intently like he was trying to burn a hole into him.

He was lean but still well muscled, his honey blonde tresses went to his chin. He had a strong jaw that he currently was clamping shut, his golden eyes were darker than the rest, more of a black tint to them. He was still as pale, dark circles under his eyes seeming to make that fact more prominent. The almost bruise like colour clashed with the perfect paper white of his skin.

As if sensing the eyes on him he turned his eyes from the other vampire to the silent girl, on instinct she looked down, just waiting for _something_. It never came but she felt compelled to look up again, going against everything in her she did so.

She was sure time stopped when she found him staring at her intently, shock written on his face. The younger Swans' breathing stopped, her hands holding the the table even harder, her bottle of water was long forgotten on the floor by her feet.

She felt like nothing else matter, nothing but him. It was a terrifying thought, right then, in that single moment he was the only thing she could see and he was pure perfection. What was going on?

Bright golden eyes that were flooded with emotions, possessiveness, affection, disbelief, fear. Anger. That was the one that struck her hardest, it stung painfully, maybe even more painful than the agony she went through everyday.

She couldn't stop herself from taking him in as she saw him in a completely different light, this time there were no imperfections, he was pure perfection. She felt sick as her eyes went over him again and again, unable to be satisfied until she had every single little detail about him locked in her memory forever.

He was as pale as the rest, his skin almost luminous underneath the bright lights of the cafeteria, dark circles were under his eyes as well, like he hadn't slept for weeks, she was sure he hadn't slept for more than a hundred years. Vampires didn't age afterall.

He was in simple dark-wash jeans and long sleeved t-shirt that hugged him in all the right places. He was tall, at least a foot taller than Alice, he wasn't as muscled as the big vampire but he was about the same as the blonde male vampire.

His hair was a dark bronze colour, styled to be messy but it suited him. Her eyes followed the movement of his long fingers raking through the locks of different shades, it all melted together to make him look even better.

Oh fuck.

Alice was definitely insane, she was sure. How could she even be having these thoughts about this man? Man? No, monster! She had to remind herself. Her whole world seemed to rely on him now, like a thousand steel cords were holding her to him.

It was hard to breathe, she had to be closer. She almost stood up and sprinted to him before the rational part of her mind screeched at her not to. She was being torn in half. Oh God, she had to be closer. She couldn't breathe, he was the only one left. The only one who could make it better and soothe everything in her.

Why was this world so cruel?

Alice already knew the answer, it just hated her. She forced herself to stay seated as those aforementioned steel cables wrapped around her chest, squeezing painfully. She was being ripped in half and suffocated all at the same time.

Was he doing this?

He had to be, why? It was like he wanted her to be closer to him, -the cables around her tugged in agreement- to stay by his side, why would he want that. She was worthless, ugly, unwanted. Why was he staring at her like that?

She hadn't blinked in almost three minutes and her eyes were watering, she couldn't bring herself to wipe at her eyes. Her vision was blurring anyway, lack of oxygenate probably. Why did she never want to leave him?

She didn't want to look away, she wanted to die with him. She wanted to die for him. What was wrong with her? She could endlessly see herself with him but she would never be good enough, he would never even entertain the thought of wanting her in any way. Why did that rip at what was left of her heart?

If she were to die then and there, she'd like to die for him. She would be happy with that, it seemed her only life purpose now was to make him happy, to make sure he was never in any pain be it emotional or physical. It was wrong.

His eyes held an emotion she had never seen directed at her. It was so messed up, in all her seventeen years of life she had never seen that simple look her way. Never seen it actually be true. Alice had seen it directed at others, she had heard the emotion voiced and acted out but never had it been for her.

The few times someone had even bothered to try and have that emotion with her it had been disgustingly faux. Why did it look like he meant it?

A shrill ringing filled everyone's ears, the vampires winced as they were pulled from their staring at the strange blue eyed girl. They had noticed the sheer terror on here face and the way she had not taken her eyes off of their brother, Edward, since he had looked at her.

"Dude, I knew you could charm the pants off of any lady but this is pushing it, you haven't even smiled at her yet!" said the big one, loud enough for Alice to hear. She watched as the bronze haired one tore his gaze from her to give the big vampire an annoyed glance, in the short seconds it took for that to happen Alice was sprinting out of the cafeteria.

"She was terrified and angry, like she knew..." said the blonde male, Jasper. Every Cullen turned to look at him. It was Edward thought who replied.

"It's because she does" this time all eyes were on him. They were all headed out of the cafeteria now, their steps silent.

"What do you mean she knows?" asked Emmett, the bulky vampire, for once serious.

"She knows were vampires," explained the mind reader in a tone too low for humans to hear.

"And why did we let her walk out of here alone exactly? She could tell anyone! If the Volturi -who will surely visit soon- find out they will blame us and kill us all!" hissed Rosalie, the beautiful blonde.

"Calm down babe." Emmett said carefully, his wife was pissed and that was never good.

"Rosalie, she has known for a long time, what makes you think she'll tell anyone now?" asked Edward, trying to keep his anger in check. When it came to this human girl -his definite soul mate- he was especially angry at the way Rosalie was imply that they should kill her with no remorse.

She was a puzzle to him, that was for sure. Her mind often blanked out, like it suddenly switched frequency. And her sister -who he already despised for the way she treated his mate- was a complete blank, it was like hitting a wall. Just another reason to hate her.

"Us. Were here now, she knows what we are, she could use that against us. She's human, all they want is their own gain. I wouldn't be surprised if she was making a list right now of all the things she wants" spat Rosalie, all of them were shocked at the venom in her voice, then again it was Rosalie they were talking about. She was well known for iciness towards others.

Edward bit his tongue so hard he was sure he chewed it in half. He resisted the urge to yell at her and instead settled for hissing too low for humans to hear, "You're not the one in her mind, your not the one who hears her terrified thoughts. She's still thinking over how were going to murder her, she's terrified of us. She's so jaded that she believes she's nothing at all and her cold sister means more than here. She _wants _us to kill her. You don't even want me to start on the pain I can pick up from her mind, I'm sure Jasper can get a hell of a lot more. So shut up going on about how terrible she is when you have no clue what she's like." he resisted the instict to snarl, he wanted to oh so badly.

His family was shocked at the anger and protectiveness that radiated from every word he spoke and seemed to ooze from him. Their brother had never acted like this about a vampire let alone a human.

They watched him silently, shocked beyond words. He stalked in the opposite direction, headed for his next class, Biology. There was a warm but painful tugging on him, begging him to get there faster.

It was official. Edward Cullen had found his soul mate and she needed his help more than even she could know.

**thanks to my reviewers and yet again, Jake, i cant thank you enough. yes he will have a place in this story (though not as Jacob Black) review? it will help with my state of mind guys!**


	6. Eyes On Fire

**I don't own anything but some OC's and a bit of the plot, S Meyer owns the rest. **

**Warning: sexual and physical abuse is mentioned and may be shown in this story in a flashback or dream, bad language and a supposed mental illness are in this story as well as a lemon or two later on. Read at your own caution. **

**Lot's of angst.**

**EdwardxAlice. **

**There will be shifters in this story, though not the wolves so go away if you don't like it. Eyes On Fire _by _Blue Foundation is the song. Bold writing is **_his _**voice, **_italics is Alices mental voice._

**ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh  
>ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh<br>ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh  
>ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh<br>I'll seek you out,  
>Flay you alive<br>One more word and you won't survive  
>And I'm not scared of your stolen power<br>I see right through you any hour**

**I won't soothe your pain  
>I won't ease your strain<br>You'll be waiting in vain  
>I got nothing for you to gain<strong>

**I'm taking it slow  
>Feeding my flame<br>Shuffling the cards of your game  
>And just in time<br>In the right place  
>Suddenly I will play my ace<strong>

**I won't soothe your pain (ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh)  
>I won't ease your strain<br>(ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh)  
>You'll be waiting in vain<br>(ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh)  
>I got nothing for you to gain<strong>

**Eyes on fire  
>Your spine is ablaze<br>Felling any foe with my gaze**

**And just in time  
>In the right place<br>Steadily emerging with grace**

**ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh,felling any foe with my gaze  
>ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh, steadily emerging with grace<br>ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh, felling any foe with my gaze  
>ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh, Steadily emerging with grace <strong>

Alice POV (I have learnt I suck at 3rd person)

As soon as I left the cafeteria the pulling on me grew and grew until I felt like I was being ripped in half. Why was it so painful?

_**Stupid question, just like you Mary. **_

_His_ menacing voice laughed, oh no. Not again. It just proved I belong in a loony bin; I heard fucking voices in my head. What more could prove that?

My feet carried me through the halls that were teaming with chattering teenagers, I was close to curling up in a ball and rocking myself into a damn coma. I could barely handle it, the loud noises, close bodies and the _vampires_. I was terrified and nearing my brink of sanity. I was about to fall over the edge and plunge into a muttering mess.

_**You've done that before Mary. **_

I shivered as his voice reverberated around my head, filling my ears with an imaginary voice that I swore was whispering to me. I felt my stomach churn and threaten to make the small amount of water I had had earlier come back up. My eating habits were terrible. They had to be or else I'd be completely ugly _and _fat. I really didn't need to add another thing to my list of terrible things about myself. It could go on for days.

I got knocked about quite a bit but it was expected, it was normal. It would find it weird if I _wasn't _pushed around the halls, I was just that worthless. Worthless. What a word- it manages to describe every part of me, even the parts that I would never even dream of sharing with people.

From my spiky black hair to my small feet I was worthless. I could label every part of me as worthless confidently, its the only thing I could do confidently. The weird habits I have such as organizing my wardrobe over and over to my need to be taller; it could all be given the sticker for worthlessness.

Before I knew it I was standing in front of my next class, Biology.

"Are you going to move or are you waiting for an invitation sent to your door?" snapped a voice, it was clearly annoyed and I jumped ten feet in the air.

I quickly jumped out of the way as I realized it was Bella who had spoken, a fear filled me, the same fear I always felt. The one that made my mind beg for no more pain. I cringed internally as I watched her walk inside and followed, silently on the outside but my heart beating thunderously on the inside.

The first thought I had was- Why? I had asked myself this a thousand times over since I could remember. I never got an answer. I had learned that quickly.

**That's because you shouldn't ask questions Bitch. **

I shivered at the voice in my head as I focused on the teacher, tearing my eyes from the bronze haired vampire who was sitting at the only empty desk. I was doomed.

I gave the teacher my slip, being careful not to touch him. I barely heard what the teacher said and gingerly took back the slip when it was handed to me, I finally listened to what the teacher had to say.

"Mr Cullen, raise your hand so Ms Swan and Ms Brandon know where to sit" my last name was Brandon after Renee's maiden name before she got married to Phil Dwyer. Bella had our fathers surname, Swan.

I turned my eyes to the class and saw the vampire shift slightly before raising his hand. The world was cruel. Disgustingly so. It loved to torture and torment me and make every single moment of my life agonizing.

I swallowed thickly, my whole body was tingling with anticipation and fear as the tugging came back with a vengeance. It took control of my body and moved my feet without my permission, before I knew it I was sitting on the vampires left side. Bella was on his right.

Yet again there was that powerful feeling spreading through me and prickling painfully on my skin, it made my stomach churn sickeningly. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, studying him. Everything about him was important at that moment, I didn't know why. It just was.

The first thing I noticed was the fact that he was rigid in his seat and his strong, defined jaw was locked so hard I expected to hear his teeth shatter at any moment. His broad shoulders were tense and his hands were holding the table so hard I saw it start to dent in. His once bright golden eyes had turned to bitch black, a familiar colour to see on a vampire. His eyes were fixed on my sister, glaring at her with such hate.

That was wrong.

He should be looking at _me _with such a look, not her. I was horrible and disgusting, I was a disgrace to be ashamed of. I deserved the glare and look of loathing that adorned his angelic face. Angelic? Where had that come from?

I heard Mr Banner start his lecture but his eyes didn't leave Bella's form -more specifically, her neck. His eyes were fixed on her pulse point before suddenly his head snapped around to look at me.

His face was barely controlled, he looked possessed. I was terrified as I looked into his pitch black eyes, I couldn't tear my gaze from him. I remembered his golden eyes, the difference now was stark but familiar.

_His _eyes had almost always been coal black, piercing and promising pain. It was so familiar and yet so different. I didn't even know how.

**Reminiscing are you Mary? **

I wanted to violently smash my head against the desk in front of me, maybe I could put myself into a coma. Knock myself out at least.

His eyes suddenly turned from hungry and angry to pleading -something I had never seen on a vampire- and agonized -something else I had never seen on a vampire- I wondered why. His eyes were wide, the gold slowly returning.

A loud screeching bell filled my ears making my face scrunch up in pain from the high pitched bell, by the time the ringing in my ears had stopped the seat right of me was empty.

He was gone. The tugging was back.

I went through to Gym in a confusion, make-up caked my body to hide the shameful marks _he _left on me. Always a reminder, something to mark me as his forever. Even when I died I would be his, his marks would remain. It made me sick. I felt so much revulsion at myself.

By the time Gym had ended I was yet again the freak of the school. I didn't talk, I was seemingly terrified of people -which I was- and my sister was so much better than me. She had the perfect image imprinted into their minds. I wish I could be like her.

I pulled up my hood as the cold hit my face hard, I barely felt it though. I had felt much colder before, I always felt much colder. I managed to get into the bed of Bella's Chevy before she got the chance to leave without me, not that I would have minded. She had done it too many times for me to care any more.

There isn't much I care about any more, its' all going to end eventually, why care about it? It stops me from getting hurt further, I had been hurt too much.

**You deserved it! **

I did. I very much deserved it, I should take every piece of pain I get gratefully because its the only thing I'm worthy of.

**Well at least your not as stupid as before. You can finally realize that you deserve it, pity you got punished so much because you didn't back then. **

I heard the front door close, I hadn't even realized the car had stopped. I had to stop getting so lost in thought, it was unhelpful. I let a silent sigh leave me and jumped from the bed of the truck, the muddy ground splattered against the sides of the Chevy when I landed.

By the time it was dinner I felt the tugging violently on me, why? I still had no clue. It was _begging _with me to follow the direction of that tugging. I couldn't do it though, I knew where it would go and I was terrified.

I didn't eat anything at dinner and excused myself quickly to have a shower. God I hated seeing my body, it was disgusting. Pink, white and red scars covered my body, some the side of a piece of shattered glass and some that went down the length of my leg.

It was dark. The only sound my breathing. My senses were stolen from me for a brief moment as it all disappeared and I was thrust back into the world of the present. I was too confused. Where had my future gone? It was just mine, no one else. It disappeared in three minutes.

Did I die?

No, I had seen deaths. I always saw the person die before I could no longer see them. This was different, it was like something was blocking me with a veil over my visions. I loathed the feeling. It took away something I had always had, it wasn't the same when I couldn't see my future. I was always sure of my future but now... now I felt vulnerable.

It would be so easy to surprise me, I could see nothing concerning me. It was scaring me, I didn't like not being able to see something. It was like putting a person in a pitch black room full of venomous snakes and rabid dogs. One wrong move and they could be dead. They would feel so terrified, sick to their stomachs in anxiety. It was horrible.

My visions had always been a part of me, I had both cursed it to Hell and thanked the High Heavens that I had it.

I was deathly silent as I waited and the seconds ticked by until I heard it.

A slow rhythm, the sound of crunching gravel. It didn't seem to end. I was frozen, what was that? I tried looking for it but it all went fuzzy, was this the thing that was blocking me?

I slowly rose from the couch as quietly as possible, I was scared to say the least and didn't want whatever was outside to know I was there. What if it already knew? I shivered but not from the cold air as it hit my skin.

My bottom lip was being tortured by my teeth as I fretted over going to see what was out there.

**Scared are you Mary? Then again, I wouldn't be surprised seeing as you always were terrified. It was so fun to play with your fear you know... **

It made up my mind, that voice in my head. I walked to the door and placed my shaking hand on the knob. Another wave of fear rolled through me as the tugging came back full force and a gasp left me as it hit me full force. Was he out there? That bronzed haired vampire? The one who glared at my sister as if she had just violently offended him? Surely not.

Vampires could be silent when they moved, they wouldn't leave sounds of crunching gravel. What if I could only hear his feet on the ground because he _wanted _me to? With a hard effort I steeled myself and turned the doorhandle, cold hair hit me instantly.

I shivered again and rubbed both eyes slowly as I saw what was before me. Holy Fucking God.

**So sorry it took me so long, I just had a road block with depression and didn't want to update and then I only got one review, it didn't help with the depression. Please please review?**


	7. It Ends Tonight

**I don't own anything but some OC's and a bit of the plot, S Meyer owns the rest.**

**Warning: sexual and physical abuse is mentioned and may be shown in this story in a flashback or dream, bad language and a supposed mental illness are in this story as well as a lemon or two later on. Read at your own caution.**

**Lot's of angst.**

**EdwardxAlice.**

**There will be shifters in this story, though not the wolves so go away if you don't like it. Bold writing is _his _voice, _italics_ is Alices mental voice. the song is It Ends Tonight by The All-American Rejects. i think it fits this chapter perfectly because it shows how Alice has found something new and everything in her life ends and becomes completely new. it basically shows a new beginning for her. **

**Your subtleties**  
><strong>They strangle me<strong>  
><strong>I can't explain myself at all.<strong>  
><strong>And all the wants<strong>  
><strong>And all the needs<strong>  
><strong>All I don't want to need at all.<strong>

**The walls start breathing**  
><strong>My mind's unweaving<strong>  
><strong>Maybe it's best you leave me alone.<strong>  
><strong>A weight is lifted<strong>  
><strong>On this evening<strong>  
><strong>I give the final blow.<strong>

**When darkness turns to light,**  
><strong>It ends tonight<strong>  
><strong>It ends tonight.<strong>

**A falling star**  
><strong>Least I fall alone.<strong>  
><strong>I can't explain what you can't explain.<strong>  
><strong>You're finding things that you didn't know<strong>  
><strong>I look at you with such disdain <strong>

**The walls start breathing**  
><strong>My mind's unweaving<strong>  
><strong>Maybe it's best you leave me alone.<strong>  
><strong>A weight is lifted<strong>  
><strong>On this evening<strong>  
><strong>I give the final blow.<strong>

**When darkness turns to light**  
><strong>It ends tonight,<strong>  
><strong>It ends tonight.<strong>  
><strong>Just a little insight won't make this right<strong>  
><strong>It's too late to fight<strong>  
><strong>It ends tonight,<strong>  
><strong>It ends tonight.<strong>

**Now I'm on my own side**  
><strong>It's better than being on your side<strong>  
><strong>It's my fault when you're blind<strong>  
><strong>It's better that I see it through your eyes<strong>

**All these thoughts locked inside**  
><strong>Now you're the first to know<strong>

**When darkness turns to light**  
><strong>It ends tonight,<strong>  
><strong>It ends tonight.<strong>  
><strong>Just a little insight won't make this right<strong>  
><strong>It's too late to fight<strong>  
><strong>It ends tonight,<strong>  
><strong>It ends <strong>

**When darkness turns to light**  
><strong>It ends tonight,<strong>  
><strong>It ends tonight.<strong>  
><strong>Just a little insight won't make this right<strong>  
><strong>It's too late to fight<strong>  
><strong>It ends tonight,<strong>  
><strong>It ends tonight.<strong>

**Tonight**  
><strong>Insight<strong>  
><strong>When darkness turns to light,<strong>  
><strong>It ends tonight.<strong>

Edward Cullen had hit a new level of Stalker. It was official. He was just waiting for someone to come up to him and ask if he was secretly John Hinckley.

He didn't even know this girl! Well, he did, but he didn't at the same time. She was his other half, the other half of his soul. He knew her soul inside out, he could read it so easily the second he set eyes on her properly and looked into her eyes. He knew her because of that, because she was his and yet he didn't know anything about her.

He had no clue what her favourite colour was or what music she liked. He didn't have any idea of what her views on life were, he didn't know what religion she was with, if she was with one at all.

It may have seemed trivial but he wanted to know it all, he didn't care if she would be telling him a story of how gum got stuck on her shoe. He'd listen like she was telling him the most interesting thing in the world.

The vampire was fuming with his family -more specifically Rosalie and Jasper. They were adamant about him or any of them having anything to do with her.

Rosalie had spent the better part of his day lecturing him on why he shouldn't even pay attention to what the "silly human" did and it had been grating on him all day until finally he snapped and had lunged for her throat.

He was tired of hearing it, all he wanted to do was stay by his soul mates side and have Rosalie lose her voice box. Now that would be heaven. Every single dig at his soul mate made him want to lash out as protectiveness seemed to ooze from him.

Mindless protectiveness was the reason he was here; pacing in front of her house like some bodyguard with fur.

Alice could not believe her eyes. There, pacing in Charlies' driveway, was a huge wolf. No, not wolf, monster would be a better word.

He was pitch black with large golden eyes that stared at her as he stopped pacing. Alices' head wouldn't even reach his shoulder, just under. She could see huge claws on his paws and muscles that were right beneath the fur and looked threatening. She didn't even want to think about how big his teeth were.

Completely frozen, the breathe left her noisily. The Wolfs' eyes didn't leave the clairvoyants face as if he was looking for something. Alice's face showed nothing but fear as she took in the beast in her fathers' Driveway.

The large black wolf took a step towards her, the crunch of the gravel under his paws snapped her out of her frozen state and she locked the door shut, staring wide eyed at the wolf.

Alice POV

I was too scared to do anything; move, scream, run back inside and lock myself in a wardrobe. My eyes drank in the beautiful and terrifying monster in front of me. It looked like it belonged in a Darren Shan novel simply for the sense of fear it put into me.

The moon bathed the wolf in its glow, i couldn't help but marvel at the way his fur reflected the moon, it turned it a silver and white while it somehow turned the rest of his fur an even darker colour, jet black. It shimmered in different places as he moved, it was too late when i realised the wolf was walking towards me.

My back pressed even harder into the door, my hand still on he doorknob. I was ready to turn it and make a dash inside when he suddenly stopped and looked at me with a cool, golden, gaze. My head titled to the side the same time his did as i studied his eyes.

They were a bright golden -like the vampires' eyes- with flecks of black sprinkled in. The gold was varying- honey, yellow, sunset golden, amber, topaz. It melded together to make the most amazing pair of piercing eyes.

I jumped as he suddenly sank down so that he was lying down with his head on his folded paws. I now could see how sharp and long his claws were. I didn't want to find out what type of damage they could do.

His eyes were still fixed on me and he breathed in an exaggerated breath before letting it out. The action caused me to be aware of the fact that i had stopped breathing.

I let the air leave me shakily and dizziness swirled through me for a minute before i came crashing back to earth and my eyes went to the oversized wolf that was now looking at me worriedly. I looked at it for a long time as my body slowly relaxed even though i was in the presence of a gigantic monster.

I felt it slowly wrap around me and drag me deeper. It was like a ribbon slowly winding around my body before closing around me and squeezing tightly, it felt good. It was a foriegn feeling but i gladly accepted it as all my pain and fear seemed to melt away, _he _became a distant memory that could easily be passed off as a nighmare as a warmth washed over me at a steady pace.

It wasn't like the heat of the sun, it wasn't blistering or uncomfortable and made me feel like I could sweat, it was like having a hot watter bottle hugged to my bodywhile being wrapped up in a blanket in front of a wood fire on Christmas. Only so much better.

It was sweet and comforting- something i hadn't felt in so long, i couldn't remember the last time i had felt comfort. I wanted to feel it more. To be able to explore that emotion seemed like heaven, the deeper I was pulled in the less I felt fear or pain or anger. Just that fuzzy feeling that I was willingly drowning in.

I took steps towars the wolf, the closer i got the more the feeling increased. I stopped when my bare feet were almost touching his paws, the wolves' eyes were level with my shins. The rocks that made up the gravel in Charlies' driveway dug into my feet but not enough to draw blood.

I looked down at the beast and saw his eyes fixed on my feet that were dotted with scars. I looked at them with revulsion; he looked at them with sadness. He looked back up at me without lifting his head from his giant paws and i couldn't help myself when i leaned forwards slightly and ran my fingers through his fur.

A small gasp left me when his head moved up and i jerked away, thinking he was about to bite me. I stayed still for a minute or two until i lay my hand back on his forehead, my finger slipped into his jet black fur. It was soft and silky.

His eyes stayed fixed on my face. The wolf's face seemed very expressive, too expressive for any normal animal. What was he? A werewolf? A huge, mutant wolf? An oversized dog? I sighed and carefully moved down so i was on one knee in front of him, my hand moving between his black ears.

I decided he needed a name; but what could it be? He was too special to have some ordinary name, he was too powerful to have a dull name. So what could i pick? I was stumped, nothing seemed to fit the wolf. Everything in the English language was too dull for him.

I stroked over one ear as i thought, his eyes had closed and i missed he brightness of them. I leaned forwards slightly and ran my fingers through the thick fur on his neck before moving to the wolfs jaw.

Lupus.

It was the word for Wolf in Latin, it was a perfect name. I felt my lips tip up in something unfamiliar, was i smiling? I froze, my hand still in Lupus' fur, it felt so weird. Odd, i couldn't remember when i had last smiled.

Four? Five? I couldn't remember- maybe i had never smiled. How sad, just another reminder of how utterly worthless my life was. Lupus' was still staring at me, suddenly he moved again and i jumped back, landing on my backside. My palms dug into the rugged rocks as i tried to stay upright as the wolf stood to his full hight and towered over me.

Yet again i was reminded of what a beast i was in the presence of. I scrambled to my feet as Lupus dipped his head down so that his large golden eyes were staring directly into my wide eyes. Before i could register it he had taken another step forwards and his claws almost touched my feet as his warm fur touched my face as he seemed to carefully rub his cheek on my face and neck to try and get me warm.

Only now did i realise i was shivering and he was boiling hot. I couldn't help but let my fingers weave into the fur on his chest and move closer to the delicious heat. It was such a stark contrast to how cold it was at this time of night, it made the heat even more perfect.

My body was quickly warming up and i couldn't stop the soft sigh that escaped me at the warmth, not just the physical heat that seemed to roll off of him but also the warmth that filled me in the sense of comfort i got from him.

Just him being there –even if he was an animal– was an odd and new comfort, the second i had touched him it seemed like the whole world changed. _Again. _

Like with the vampire in the cafeteria, Lupus seemed to be the center of my whole world. Before nothing made sense; vampires existed, my own family and the people around me hated me and treated me like the peice of dirt i was, i had gone through a hell i deserved and somehow made it out alive, i had visions that shouldn't even exist. And yet, now, i could see everything perfectly clearly.

It all still happened, my life was still a mess and i was still a peice of dirt and yet i could somehow see the symatry of the whole universe. I knew why the world tured, i could tell without a doubt why everything existed and why i went through everything i have. _Him. _

He was the reason for everything, nothing else would ever matter. He was the reason everything existed, why everything happened. There was nothing without him. He was my reason for existing, the world couldn't go on without him. It would be too painful to lose something so absolutely amazing. His presence in the universe was irrevocable.

I was roused from the peaceful sleep i seemed to have had by the sound of someone calling my name.

"Mary! Your going to be late for school! Wake up!"

i didn't want to wake up, it was too peaceful. I couldn't remember the last time i had had some decent sleep. I hadn't dreamt and i hadn't woken up sweating and screaming, it had been nothing but blissful blackness.

Something cold splashed over my face and i sat bolt upright as a terror filled me, it was too familiar. I waited for the scalding hot water to follow and hear _his _laughs as i screamed from the agonizing pain but it never came and i wiped at my face furiously before cautiously opening my eyes.

I was back on Charlies' living room couch, a blanked that had been draped on my sleeping form was no longer there but on the floor instead and Bella was standing over me, anger on her face. I was too stunned from the blast from the past from the cold water on my face to move at first but when she started yelling at me to get a move on i jumped into action.

I skipped a shower and just washed my face and brushed through my spiky short hair before throwing on some clothes without looking at the marks on my body. I raced down the stairs and pulled on some boots before i skipped breakfast and ran to the bed of Bella's truck.

On the way to school my mind went back to the night before, had it all been a dream? Surely it had, giant wolves didn't exist...Did they? Vampires existed afterall, what was to say giant wolves didn't either?

On the off chance that they did, why was it so friendly? Why hadn't it ripped me apart? There were no loud growls and snarls, no shows of aggression or hostility. Why? I was confused on the whole thing and yet completely comfortable with it.

I couldn't think of anything other than my wolf. It seemed natural to call him mine, everything in me screamed that he was. But...i didn't deserve him. He could never be mine. I was too much of a disgrace to have him as mine.

He was a wild animal and yet i knew he wasn't. He was as tame as a domesticated dog. Why? Shouldn't he be monsterous?

I was dragged from my questioning thoughts by the loud chatter of Forks High students as Bella parked.

Right next to the silver volvo with a vampire leaning against it.

My eyes stayed fixed on him as he looked at me with a penetrating gaze. Something unfamiliar in his eyes, what was it? It was warm, inviting and i wanted to know what it was. I had never seen it directed at me before. I finally teared my eyes from the bronze haired vampire and all but threw myself out of the bed of the Chevy.

Me being me, i got my foot caught on the left tire of Bella's truck and was sent falling forwards. I was normally a graceful person thanks to the forced ballet "lessons" but thanks to that stupid tire i fell and just before my face was about to smash into the floor arms wrapped around my waist before pulling me up.

I was momentarily disoriented before i registered the cold temperature of the arms around me and the sickening prickling on my skin. Before i could register anything else the arms wrapped tighter around me as he seemed to be _hugging _me.

It was in the way he held me, the way he stood, the way he smelled, a thousand different things about him that screamed it out to me. _He _had taught me to be able to recognize it easily, i had been forced to and yet again my senses turned on high alert as i realised that the vampire that was holding me was dominant and powerful.

I really hated that stupid sixth sense...or was it seventh sense? It was screaming at me to do as i was told, stay absolutely silent and keep my eyes fucking down or else he would hurt me. I was terrified.

"Try not to do that again little one. I'd hate to find out what would happen if you fell when i wasn't there to stop you from ruining that pretty little face."

And just like that, his arms weren't around me anymore and the newfound safety i had found from being in them was gone with him.

I wanted to follow the monster with the velvet, comforting voice but i kept still before i was tugged away by my sister and into the school.

****Okay, thanks for putting up with me not updating. I've had more depression problems and an ancident with panic attacks related to toasters and guns happened so i've been set back but i'm trying to get back on track. Please bear with me while i sort myself out. ****

****The sentence that Edward said shoudl be enough to give you insight as to how he acts and his personality. More will be revealed about him and you'll see he does have a bit of a darkside but doesn't let it show. Just the fact that he called her "little one" sintead of "my love" like he does with Bella should show you how different my Edward is. ****

****I'd love to have a petname for Edward, like some people have Takeward (Isla De Cullen) who my Edward is loosely based off, others have Fedward, Darkward (for a really sadistic Edward) Domward/Subward for all the BDSM stories ect it could go on for a while so i'd like one for my Edward. I was thinking Wolfward but i want something from you guys so feel free to tell me of one you come up with. ****

****As usual please review and know it would really help with the depression, any small things really help make me happier. ****

****Luv Cyanide (its my Killjoy name) ****


	8. Summertime

**I don't own anything but some OC's and a bit of the plot, S Meyer owns the rest. **

**Warning: sexual and physical abuse is mentioned and may be shown in this story in a flashback or dream, bad language and a supposed mental illness are in this story as well as a lemon or two later on. Read at your own caution. **

**Lot's of angst.**

**EdwardxAlice. **

**There will be shifters in this story, though not the wolves so go away if you don't like it. Summertime by My Chemical Romance is the song. Bold writing is **_his _**voice, **_italics is Alices __mental voice._

_When the lights go out  
>Will you take me with you?<br>And carry all this broken bone  
>Through six years down in crowded rooms<br>And highways I call home  
>Is something I can't know till now<br>Till you pick me off the ground  
>With brick in hand, your lip gloss smile<br>Your scraped-up knees and_

_If you stay  
>I would even wait all night<br>Or until my heart explodes  
>How long?<br>Until we find our way  
>In the dark and out of harm<br>**You can runaway with me,  
>Anytime you want<strong>_

_**Terrified of what I'd be  
>As a kid from what I've seen<strong>  
>Every single day when people try<br>And put the pieces back together  
>Just to smash them down<br>Turn my headphones up real loud  
>I don't think I need them now<br>Cause you stop the noise and_

_If you stay  
>I would even wait all night<br>Or until my heart explodes  
>How long?<br>Until we find our way  
>In the dark and out of harm<br>**You can runaway with me,  
>Anytime you want<strong>  
>Well anytime you want<em>

_Don't walk away  
>Cause if you stay<br>I would even wait all night  
>Well or until my heart explodes<br>How long?  
>Until we find our way<br>In the dark and out of harm  
>You can runaway with me<br>You can write it on your arm  
><strong>You can run away with me,<br>Anytime you want**_

I was still in shock as Bella let go of my arm once we were inside the school, just like that she left me without a care.

What the hell had just happened?

I finally started to breathe as I wandered the halls before classes. I was too confused about what had happened before to really care where I was going so I was surprised when I found myself entering my English class when the bell began to ring. Odd.

As I entered English I felt my stomach churn uneasily and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on end. Senses on high alert- never good. Then again, what was ever good in this fucked up world? It was all doomed- I had seen it. But that wasn't for a long time.

I went to my seat at the back and froze as I realised someone was sitting next to me. Of course, my heart went into overdrive and pumped three times faster but when I really looked at who was sitting next to me I was ready to have an aneurysm.

Blonde. Pale. Male. Perfect. Inhuman. Demon.

Oh my fuck. Did the world hate me?

**I thought we established this a while ago. **

Oh great, _he _was back.

**Miss me much darling?**

I felt like my head was going to spontaneously explode. Lovely. And then it hit me like an eighteen-wheeler going past the speed limit, downhill, on a rainy day.

That smell, vampire, cold and perfectly familiar. I felt like an idiot for not seeing it before, sure he had looked familiar but now. Now I knew exactly who he was. I tried to control my breathing as I saw him go tense having obviously picked up my scent.

Whitlock.

I had never learnt his first name, he had always been referred to as Whitlock. Did people just want me dead?

**Yet again, we established this.**

I shivered involuntarily and my eyes snapped downwards to the desk as soon as I saw him turn in my direction.

A blinding fear coursed through me and seemed to make me cold- it was not my fear. It was foreign and almost fake, I felt like I wanted to hurl and curl up in a ball and cry before tearing out my eyes so I no longer had to see his terrifying, perfect face.

He was making me feel this artificial fear. He had always loved to play with my emotions- it was always hell for me and he loved watching me cry and beg and shiver and cower in fear.

Why oh why did the universe and hell and heaven hate me so much? What have I ever done to anyone other than be their personal torture slave? Why did they feel the need to slowly pull apart whatever was left of my confidence, my heart, my soul. _Me._

Near the end of class I was ready to burst into tears and beg for Whitlock to not hurt me. Mere minutes before the bell was supposed to ring he leaned over towards me making me go rigid in my seat. My breathing stopped, my mind raced and my heart felt as though it would explode at any minute.

Smooth, velvet, inhuman. Petrifying. "You tell anyone and I'll tell him exactly where you are Darlin'"

And just like that he was leaving the classroom as the bell rang shrilly.

It took me several minutes to even begin to start thinking straight. Right now was not a time to have another pathetic panic attack. Today was going to be even more of a hell than it usually was.

Taking a deep, calming breath that didn't help to calm me at all, I set off for my next class.

By the time it was lunch, I was ready to slit my wrists. Again.

I was forced to sit at the exact same table as yesterday- the vampires sat at the one next to mine. I really didn't think this world could get any crueller. Oh wait, the tugging was back, it could get crueller it seems.

While trying to forget about my churning stomach and the feel of the bronze haired vampires eyes on her.

Edward Cullen had almost gotten over the giddiness of finally imprinting; that was until he saw her in the cafeteria again. It was like he was about to melt into a puddle, explode from the restraint needed to not kiss her senseless right then and there, and burst into loud laughter of pure joy.

He kept on getting disbelieving looks from Jasper.

After finally managing to calm the raging happiness in him he finally managed to properly study his little imrpint.

Little was not even the right adjective to use to describe her. If there was a scale on the side of Petite she'd be at the small end.

Jet black spiky hair framed her heart shaped face and went perfectly with her dull but somehow bright, large blue eyes that were framed with long lashes. She was unnaturally pale, almost sickly so, with dark violet lips with just a sprinkling of red on them.

Her shoulders were tense and haunched forwards, she looked like she was about to throw up. Edward wasn't sure weather or not his imprint was aware of the fact that she had her arms wrapped around herself so tight she could barely breathe.

Her thin fingers were fisting up her hoodie so tightly her knuckles had turned white, her face seemed to go even paler -if that was even possible- before she suddenly pulled the hood to her hoodie up so he could no longer see her face or neck.

Did she know he was staring at her? Surely not, there was no way to tell unless she had been looking at the table he was at which she definitely hadn't done. It was like some sort of sixth sense, she seemed to know exactly when someone was looking at her.

Her shoulders would go even tenser and her breathing would go just that little bit harder while her arms wrapped impossibly tighter around her midsection.

Edward's head titled to the side just slightly, watching as she slowly seemed to fall forwards until her forehead came into contact with the white table in front of her. It was only lightly but every vampire heard the sound of her forehead hitting the table.

Her shoulders went even tenser and she stopped breathing as every vampires eyes laid upon her. There was a fear pulsing through Edward's imprint that he didn't like one bit.

Edward went back to observing her for the rest of the lunch break. When he had smelt salty tears from her the monster within him had all but started to fucking purr. The monster loved her fear, her pain. He fucking adored it.

It made Edward feel sick.

By the time the bell rang signalling the end of the lunch break.

**AN: Okay, okay. I am so fucking sorry. Yeah, I left you guys for over a month but I had some shit involving faild suicides, suicidal best friends and a shit load of homework, stress and depression. Feel free to throw shit at me virtually through your review- it'll make me feel guilty and write more. **

**Sarah V: Yes, he is. That's why I am sticking with the name Wolfward...**

**...and Nothingward. Thanks for that suggestion Galaxy Defending Lovatic- it'll be used later on.**

**Perla: sorry it took so long. It isn't ended, I am not abandoning this story. Hopefully it will be a series; I'm planning on doing a fic for each book in the Twilight series and hopefully a fifth so no worries. **

**Also, I need a BETA in case none of you have noticed. If any of you would be willing to be a BETA for me please PM me or say that you want to be my BETA in a review. **

**Read and Review- it stops me cutting. x **

**Cyanide. **


	9. I'm Sorry

**AN: I'm sorry. I lied. **

**I said I wouldn't abandon this story and in a way I am. I NEED to get my life back together. Writing this story isn't on my list of things to do. Nothing is. I'm sorry for all those that have read this story and so thankful to all those that have reviewed it, you guys have kept me going. To know that someone appreciates what I write has been the highlight of these past few months but I cant do it any more. **

**I'm putting this on a hiatus, I don't know when I will start writing it again but I need focus and I cant do that when I have this on my mind _all the time_. **

**I think you all deserve an explanation -not that I'm sure any of you will read it-but I've got depression, paranoia, insomnia, PTSD and an eating disorder. I self harm and purge. I have panic attacks and think people are out to kill me. I think my girlfriend (yes I'm a lesbian) is trying to get my trust just to lock me in a basement and cut me into tiny little pieces. So, I have to fix myself. **

**For me. For my family. For my online friends. For my girlfriend, Bunny. And this fic cant be on my list of things to do. It's to stressful, it kills me with anxiety, a thousand questions because I'm so insecure about every single word I type. And it hurts. **

**But, if you've read this far, thank you. I love you so much. All of you. If ANY of you ever have problems that you need help with- family problems, friend problems, self harming/eating disorders, paranoia, sexuality problems. ANYTHING. You can Private Message me. I'm always here for anybody. Helping people makes me happy. **

**Thank you. **

**Cyanide.**

**P.S if you don't have a account you can contact me through Tumblr, just leave me an Ask. Here's my URL. .**

**PPS I will be starting a new fic upon my therapists orders. It's going to be based off of my life and my feelings but have some fiction thrown in.**


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